Waiting for good things to happen

For some reason, life has not been so pleasant for me. I always thought I had two different views of life. Sometimes, I am just overwhelmed by the beauty and joy of life, and there are moments when I would have thoughts of the other extreme.

I wish life was something that could be defined. But come to think of it, that would not be life at all. That would just be acting out a script, trying to give a performance and try to be someone that you are supposed to be. No, life is better left alone. And life is better left unpredicted and untold.

Stepping out of the metaphors, I am feeling extremely confused these days. I get a million ideas, and I think up of a million plans, but unpleasant things have happened to my ideas and schemes in the past. So I end up discarding most of them. hmm.. I have to do something... yeah, that's what the problem is. I feel a complete and utter state of unrest and unease.

I feel like I was supposed to be doing something good with my time. There was something else that I should've been doing. I jump from one idea to another, one thing to another.. and mostly end up tense... I need some consistency. I need some concentration. I have lost all my concentration, I have lost all kinds of motivation for now. I need that. I need that to get myself through life. I need that strongly. I should rather think of getting that motivation back than just write this...